Plugged In
by Captain Vox
Summary: A look into Sherlock's mind frame before meeting John, and right when meeting John. His computer like brain needs a plug in, one that John Watson can give him.


_The plug in was slightly painful, a shock of electricity running up the spine and crashing into the nerve endings. It fueled me though, refreshed me. Each time I reached for the plug, hands shaking as my battery level tipped to zero percent, it was a relief to feel new life pulsing into my being. And that's what I was- a machine with a single and specific use, left to fend alone when that use is unneeded. Sometimes I was abused, over used, too long without some plug in time. Sometimes I would even shutdown if left alone and running too long because it hurt to plug myself in; it was hard. The darkness scared me- not when it overtook me because I had no consciousness then but afterwards when my partner would come back and help plug me in again. I was helpless without him. Lost to a world that overtook me, grabbed hold and refused to let go._

_Don't let me slip again. Don't leave me running alone. I don't like the dark place- I'm nothing in the dark place. I begged him each day. His apologies were shorter each time, his hands were on me less and less._

_I don't always remember when I'm alone. It's hard to remember I need to recharge when you don't remind me and it hurts- reaching out for the plug, plugging in. The shock is too much._

_I'm sorry, but I have to leave. You understand that don't you? To go to work, to pay for the electricity that feeds you- he said._

_When you are here I don't need as much. I'm not as lost. The overload of information I receive in my head makes it hurt. It's worse than the shock of being plugged in. there's no surge of relief with the onslaught of information. It's just a rush of all of these ideas and details that I can't sort out._

_My partner doesn't understand this- he doesn't see what I see and can't help my mind settle. I need direction. He doesn't have direction. But it's not as bad as the darkness so I can't really leave._

_If he forgets to plug me in he can keep me- I can't leave with a low battery. I suspect he knows this. How far would I get? Not to the next flat, not off the street- When I fall into the darkness anyone could take me, pick me up and use me. They would learn that they could keep my battery low…_

_I'm leaving. My battery was full when he made it home. He couldn't' stop me and I needed out. My eyes burned from all of the information pulsing past them. I was going to crash if I stayed here much longer._

_I need a connection, someone who could connect with the information that plays behind my eyes. Someone needed to sort it all out for me._

_A user, I needed a user. Of course, who could find one for me? I wouldn't be terribly easy to get along with- what with the plug ins, shutdowns and processing. That was the problem with my last user; he couldn't process me._

_Years alone- fighting to plug myself in- to process what I saw…I shouldn't have left. I can't stand this madness. I groped in the dark too many times, was found by this person or that and briefly cared for. I was cast out when a more compatible version came along._

_My battery was running dangerously low again. I was alone- staring at the wall, the socket, my plug. I was too tired to try. I didn't want the pain. I would just allow my battery level to hit zero. I would fade into the black non-existence that haunted at the edge of my thoughts, that tainted the information that passed by my eyes daily. I could leave it all behind and stop caring. I knew once I hit the darkness I simply wouldn't hear or feel or remember or know. I could handle that. A few more moments of blinking apprehension and sheer panic and then that would be that…_

_The shock of another plug in, the swell of relief as my body surged with power. My brain was being stimulated at last. I saw everything at once, all that he was, that he is, that he would be. I saw each detail of the room, felt the air movement and it shook me to the core._

_Delete, I needed the delete key before too much information overtook me, fried my hard drive. I would fall into the overload, the one with no relief. I would be stuck on a loop of information and be stuck in something worse than the unseeing darkness-_

Then he spoke and it was like he'd grabbed hold of my mouse, terminated a few unnecessary processes, and opened a new word document. I watched as everything we said laid itself out nearly on the page before us. Perfect, neat. Times New Roman Font 12 with 1.5 line spacing. And utterly perfect grammar. I could see it, follow it, understand all of it. A computer and his user…


End file.
